All too often, when I look back at
my past, I see things that make me cringe, even things that I used to
like. As we age, our perceptions change
along with us, and what we used to find appetizing or enjoyable we now find
unbearable for some reason.
In my case,
I find that what embarrasses me is generally events that have (hopefully) been
lost in the mists of time. When I look
back at my previous tastes and interests, however, it’s generally not
embarrassment that I feel. I can’t
really think of anything off the top of my head that I used to like and now
would be reluctant to mention to friends, for fear of some kind of humiliation. Those things that could fall under that
category for some, I see as things that most people probably liked at that age (and
some maybe still do); for instance, TV shows like Thomas the Tank Engine, Dora
the Explorer, and Blue’s Clues.
Though some
may find these embarrassing, others, myself sometimes included, perhaps look
back at them with fond nostalgia. I find
that, more often, I simply stop liking many of the things I used to like. This is most evident in books: As I grew
older, my “reading level” rose, and works of greater sophistication became more
and more accessible to me. Now, when I
go back and read books that I used to love, often I find myself thinking “how
could I have liked this?” Where once I
simply didn’t notice it, I now see flaws in the writing style, plot holes, and
some things that just make me wince.
Conversely, some books turn out to be better when I read them again
later: the writing and story hold up to more sophisticated scrutiny, I
understand some things better, and sometimes I even notice things that were not
apparent to me the first time around.
There are
some things that I enjoy that others would definitely consider embarrassing;
for instance, video gaming, board games (and not stuff like monopoly, the
really complicated geeky ones), and table-top RPGs. To me it seems like there is a kind of social
stigma attached to gaming, like people are only supposed to profess enjoyment
of physical sports or something. That
is, I guess, just the culture we live in.
This is something I struggle with: I know that there is no reason I
should be embarrassed about these things, but all too often I am. I don’t think that I necessarily hide these
things, I just don’t really publicize them.
As to things
that I actually see as embarrassing, the
only things that come to mind are things that I remember liking, I show to
someone else, and then realize that it has not aged well at all. When I go through that process of realizing
how my tastes have changed with someone else, that is a little embarrassing. Doing this on my own seems different to me,
maybe because I would never explicitly state to myself what I liked about
something, and then have those remembered expectations disappointed. It could be because I made assertions about
the quality of something, and then those assertions turn out to be baseless. Or perhaps it is embarrassing not because I
used to like something that isn’t that good anymore, but because it shows how I
am unaware of how I have changed.
